Can you help your Bipolar Spouse overcome an Episode?

Is it possible? In general, I think the answer is no. I find- at least for my bipolar husband, this is his disease and he has to overcome his episodes on his own. Usually, the problem is that he doesn't think there is anything wrong so he doesn't think he needs any help. That's the biggest problem with bipolar disorder- denial.

But I do think there are things we, the loved ones, can do to push them in the right direction. Believe me, I have tried everything to get my husband to come out of a manic or depressive episode. I've screamed, yelled and fought with him. I've tried ignoring the fact that he is not being normal. And I've tried being super nice- showing him lots of extra love to get him back. None of these things work. As a matter of fact, most of them make his episodes worse.

Fighting with him and trying to reason with him just makes him angrier. Ignoring it does nothing but make him really think things are ok. And showing him extra love and being extra nice really makes him really think he is on to something.



The only things I've found that even mildly seem to help with his bipolar episodes is to be firm and consistent.

Years ago, after a really bad manic episode, I laid down my ground rules.

1. During a bipolar episode, I will not pretend like everything is ok.

2. I will not lie for him or try to "cover up" things in front of others.

3. I will- no matter how he reacts- call him out on what he is doing that is wrong

4. We will, or at least I will to him, talk about what is going on. This one is tricky. Bipolar people don't think they are doing anything wrong so they don't think there is anything to talk about.

So these are my basic rules when dealing with his bipolar episodes. Although, sometimes even these don't really help me.



Still- I am firm in what I believe and I am persistent.

What am I persistent about? Getting him to the DR or to call the Dr.

Luckily, Mr bipolar's doc only gives him a months supply of meds at a time so he has to go each month. But when things get bad- I sometimes can't wait for the next appointment. I need him to call and do something right then.

To get him to call, basically- I have to bother him. I tell him over and over again that something is wrong and he needs to call the Dr. I stay firm in what I am saying - No matter how he tries to spin it. And when he is in the middle of a bipolar episode, he will try to spin it. He will spin it to sound like everything is my fault. Sometimes, I start to think I'm the one who is bipolar!
Anyway- Stay Firm! And be persistent! I just keep on with my something is wrong spill. I don't waiver.
So what happens? I think he gets tired of hearing me say it over and over. Eventually, he calls the doc just to get me to shut up. And yes- he has told me as much. But I don't care. Whatever works right?

So that's how I "help" Mr Bipolar out of his episode. See, I'm not actually helping to bring him back to normal. I'm "pushing" him until he calls the Dr.
He calls the doc- doc changes the meds (usually increases)- and before long things are ok again, at least for a little while.

Now, this pushing- it can take a while. Mr Bipolar has gone to the doc during an episode and not said anything was wrong. I really should go to the doc with him all the time, but it's not always possible. Anyway, visits to the doc with a bipolar spouse- that's a whole different subject for a different post.

For now- Be Firm and Be persistent. Push in the right direction. But remember- we can't fix their bipolar episodes. We can't cure this bipolar disease. And, we can't stop the next bipolar episode from happening. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Love your bipolar spouse- hate the disease.