Bipolar Disorder and Marriage

The strain bipolar disorder has on a marriage can be overwhelming. When my husband is not well our entire lives are turned upside down. My normally loving, helpful husband becomes some what useless and very mean. I stated in an earlier post that the strain is emotional and physical. This is absolutely true. I'll discuss a little bit of both here.

Emotional stress of Bipolar disorder on a marriage
You will hear most spouses of someone who is manic depressive (me included) talk more about the emotional stress of the illness on their marriage. The emotional struggles involved are by far harder to overcome than anything else in this type of marriage, weather the patient is manic or depressed. My husband is usually manic. With his manic episodes come anger, frustration and hate. So, along with all the crazy (and uncalled for) behavior issues, I gets lots of verbal "not so nice" attention from him. He gets angry at the drop of a hat, everything frustrates him and in general he dislikes most everything because when he is manic he thinks everyone, especially me, is out to get him. All the stuff I've read on bipolar disorder says the same thing- a person who is bipolar takes their anger and frustration out on those that they love the most. While that's nice to know, it does not make me feel any better when Mr Bipolar is angry at me for no reason.
I also know that we have to remember our bipolar loved ones say things to us during these episodes that they do not mean. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
The up and down of this disease, hearing things that aren't true but still hurt deeply, trying to remember 'It's not their fault' can wear you out. Sometimes when my husband has a bad manic episode that last a while, I actually start to believe some of the stuff he tells me. If you hear it over and over- it just starts to seem true.

Physical Stress of Bipolar Disorder on a Marriage
While it's not talked about as much and are much easier to overcome, there is physical stress and strain in a marriage with a bipolar spouse. At least this is my experience.
When my husband is manic and definitely the few times he has been in depressed mode, he is useless. Aside from going to work, he stops doing everything. So, not only is there no emotional support- he helps with nothing when he like this. In either state (manic or depressed) he sits in the bedroom all day and all night when he is home. The only difference is how he feels emotionally. While he is like this, I have to do double duty around here- taking over the things that he normally does- because he won't do them.
With 2 kids, homeschooling, volunteer work, housework, and caring the kids to and fro - even as a SAHM, I don't have a lot of free time. Now, because I don't work I don't expect my husband to come home from work and do much of anything. But when he stops doing what he does help with, it makes a difference.
When he's in a bipolar episode- the days are long and the nights short. Doing everything- every day is physically draining.


When you combine the physical stress with the mental stress- you become a time bomb. Having to deal with my husband and trying to keep out lives intact can feel like too much on some days. But you have to take it day by day. Having a bipolar spouse is not easy- and on the bad days it doesn't even feel worth it. But like I have said before- I love my bipolar husband, so I find a way to push through!