Bipolar Spouse and Emotions

So I admit, my bipolar spouse is not the most emotional man on this planet, even when he is well. When you add bipolar disorder on top of someone who is already not very emotional, you get a not so nice mix.
When I say Mr bipolar is not emotional- I don't mean at all. He's not real huggy and kissy but he's not in anyway mean. I actually think alot of it is taught. His family is just not real open with their emotions. And ya know- that may be it. He has emotions, he's just not real open with them.
Now, right after he comes off of a manic episode, he is really venerable. He shows more emotion at this point then ever.

During his episodes, the only emotions that seems to surface are the bad ones- anger, frustration- you get the point. Of course, when this starts he is pretty far gone. Early on in the episode he is just emotionless- like a robot. While the anger, frustration and hate are hard to deal with, I now know those emotions are not how he really feels about things. They may feel very real to him while it's happening and it certainly feels real to me while it's happening, but I know that deep down he doesn't really hate everything.
In the beginning, when he shows no emotion, it can actually be harder for me then when he is angry and hates everything. At least by the time he gets angry, I know whats going on- he is having a bipolar episode. It's that simple.
When he shows no emotion, it can be very confusing. Especially since he's not real emotional to begin with. It's during this time that I find myself asking him "what's wrong" or "what's the matter" 50 times a day. Nothing- is always the answer, but to me he seems less emotional than normal. I guess I should know by now that this IS the beginning of a bipolar episode. I guess part of me is just hoping that it isn't.

It's funny how I can think through it and say- I should know it starts like this: No emotion. I guess it's just really confusing because at this point he isn't necessarily doing anything else. And, since he doesn't show alot of emotion all the time- it's not much different. There are times, when he's not having a bipolar episode but is having a bad day or is tired or sick- where he seems the same way- less emotional than normal. I suppose this would be why I think maybe it's not the start of an episode every time it happens.
I guess I should change that- it's the start of a bipolar episode when it last for a few days. If it's just one day- he could just not be feeling well. Right? Maybe I try to convince myself that even after 3 or 4 days, he's just not not feeling well. I know better than that. But I still believe it sometimes. I mean, one can be sick or not feel well for 3 or 4 days- or even longer. Right? As his wife, I should give him the benefit of the doubt- right?
ARG!!!! See how confusing it can be!!! NO- I shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt- He's Bipolar! Chances are it IS an episode and I know that. I don't know why I ever convince myself otherwise. I guess maybe I will learn one day.

Until then- I will love my bipolar spouse and try to make the best of it.