As the title suggest, my husband is bipolar- also known as Manic depressive. Living with his disease is certainly not easy. I love my husband very much despite him being sick. And yes, that's what I call it- an illness, a sickness, a disease- I think all of these terms sum it up well. He is Bipolar, but - like any other disease or illness- it is not his fault.
My husband was "officially" diagnosed about 3 years ago. But, I can now look back over or entire relationship and see the cycles. For many years I didn't know what was wrong. Honestly, I just thought he hated me. At least when he wasn't well, that's how it felt. When he was normal things were ok. It was all very confusing.
There did come a point when I started to figure out what was wrong. Although I'm not a Dr., a little web surfing and reading lead me to believe he was bipolar. When he finally went to the Dr and was officially diagnosed, it was like a giant weight was lifted off me. And for the first time in a long time I truly believed he didn't hate me.
When he is normal, Mr Bipolar is a wonderful husband, father and provider. But when he is "off," life is completely different. I have seen it described as a rollar-coaster ride that you can't get off of- and I agree completely. The ups and downs can be draining (to say the least) both mentally and physically.
My husband was "officially" diagnosed about 3 years ago. But, I can now look back over or entire relationship and see the cycles. For many years I didn't know what was wrong. Honestly, I just thought he hated me. At least when he wasn't well, that's how it felt. When he was normal things were ok. It was all very confusing.
There did come a point when I started to figure out what was wrong. Although I'm not a Dr., a little web surfing and reading lead me to believe he was bipolar. When he finally went to the Dr and was officially diagnosed, it was like a giant weight was lifted off me. And for the first time in a long time I truly believed he didn't hate me.
When he is normal, Mr Bipolar is a wonderful husband, father and provider. But when he is "off," life is completely different. I have seen it described as a rollar-coaster ride that you can't get off of- and I agree completely. The ups and downs can be draining (to say the least) both mentally and physically.
The Manic depressive spectrum is a big one. It can't be (I wish it was) as simple as depressed-normal-manic. I describe it as a little off, way off, stepped over the edge so on and so on. I think my husband stays mostly manic. And I say I think because after lot of reading I learned that the symptoms of mania and depression, especially in men, are very similar. When he is "off" I have to pay attention to everything to figure out which way he is going. At least with my husband, the difference is so little and the symptoms are so much alike it is sometimes hard to tell right away.
I have read so much out bipolar disorder since my husband was diagnosed. One thing I learned is that is gets worse as the patient gets older. This scares me. I'm not scared for me- but for my husband. When he is normal I guess I don't think about it much. But the pattern seems to be holding true for him. His episodes seems to be coming more often and lasting longer. I am hoping and praying that I am wrong. I think, once an episode starts, other factors (triggers) can keep him not normal for longer than if those factors weren't present. I hope I'm right about this one and we can someday find a way to keep his life as trigger-free as possible. If not, I am really beginning to fear what our life will be like in 10 years. My husband is not violent, so that is not my concern. I am worried he won't be able to work. That he truly won't be able to function like a normal person. This would devastate him.
To sum it up, this is my husband: Infected with Bipolar disorder, stays mostly manic. But I am madly in love with him- disease and all.
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