It happened sooner than I thought it would. Sooner than I could prepare for.
Mr Bipolar Lost his job- 3 weeks ago. So far, prospects for a new job have not been good. There is not a lot out there right now. But even worse is his state of mind.
I've said plenty of times that, in my husbands case, bipolar disorder keeps him manic- usually. Now he is depressed. I don't have much experience with the depressive side of this disease.
I know how to react to him when he is manic. I know what to say and what not to say to him in his usual manic state. I can see- in his eyes- him planning something before he has time to even speak it.
Now he is depressed. I don't know what to say to him or how to react to what he says and does. I know that, in a way, that probably sounds horrible. I'm not trying to sound insensitive or unloving. I truly don't know what to say to him. Everything I say he takes as "mean." He is barely speaking to me. I am trying to encourage him and show him that I love him- but he is taking it all completely wrong.
I don't know what to do for him. I don't know how to help him.
I don't know what to do next.
I- yes me- updated his resume and have been sending it out to every job he seems even remotely qualified for. He has had 2 interviews so far and one set up for Monday. I can't do much more than that.
I am worried about his state of mind and him going on interviews. He was fired from his job. He's never been fired before. In his defense- it wasn't his fault- unless there are things I don't know about which is entirely possible since I'm not there to see how he works. Anyway, he has never been fired before. He is taking it pretty hard. He's depressed. I am wondering how well he is interviewing. Normally- maybe because he is usually manic- he is very self confident. That confidence is no where to be found right now.
So- I don't know what to do next. I can certainly look for a job myself. I haven't worked, really, in 10 years. I didn't finish college. I will never make enough money to pay our bills. All that aside, who will take care of my kids if I went to work. I can't depend on him to do it. I have to watch him watching the kids when I'm here. We have a baby. I don't leave her with him for long periods. Not because he doesn't care for her or would ever harm her. But, he just doesn't always pay close enough attention. Now, when he is 100% well- this is not an issue. Right now, I can't even get him to bath- I can't leave the baby with him all day.
I just don't know what to do. I'm worried about what will happen next.
He had a Dr appointment last week and the Dr increased his anti-depressant. I sure hope it starts to work soon.
I'm just not sure how to help him. It's not healthy for him to lie around all day, not bathing, not doing anything. But when I say anything- he takes it as me being hostile and mean. Do I just not say anything? Just let him be? That's the plan of action I've taken the past few days. I haven't said much. I have had to ask for his help occasionally- which he gave. And, I have just tried to let him know I love him.
I do love him. I just wish so badly that I could help him and just make this bipolar disorder go away.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
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Hi Sheena, I saw your comment on my blog and wanted to come over here and give you some support and words of "wisdom", if you can call it that...
My DH is the opposite of yours....there have been manic times, for sure, but the depression far outweighs them. And for me, the depression is still much, much more scary. I'm not sure if you've read back in my blog to some of the times when DH was so depressed, but I had to take his guns away from him and also lock up all the pills in the house. Even though we can't afford it, I had to maintain both of our cell phones so that I could call to check up on him (to make sure he hadn't killed himself), etc.
My DH has not worked since 2006. Not really, anyhow....at that time, he was working as a jailer, and his boss leveled some false accusations at my DH. Even though DH was exonerated, this made him so depressed that he quit his job and just stopped paying all the bills and then basically stopped doing anything except laying in bed. That would make me SO ANGRY!!!!
Does you DH admit that he is depressed? Maybe you should make another appointment with the pdoc....
Also, though, if I were you, especially after having been living like I've been living for the last three years, I would take whatever steps you can right now to get yourself as financially stable as you can. Even if it won't pay the bills, it'll pay for something. We still live extremely frugally, because of the debts that DH incurred that have my name on them. I really value my good credit, and don't want to fail at that. If I can help it, anyhow. But you need to get yourself into a financially viable position, even if it means working. Can you do babysitting? Pet sitting? While your husband might be able to get going in a new job right away, there' a chance that he might not, or that it might not work out, even if he does. Your stress level will be much better if you have some money or some way to make money just to tide you by.
And another thing I found, that I only recognize in hindsight, is that when DH was so depressed like that, I myself would find myself getting depressed, too. Don't get sucked into that, it makes things a lot more miserable!
My husband had bouts with this depression on and off until he was finally put on Lithium. Now he might get depressed for a few hours or even a whole day, but the next day he is fine. What I finally had to do was I wrote down all the strange things I had observed--like "he tries to get me to give him permission to kill himself" and "he won't get out of bed" and I didn't say anything about depression, I just let the pdoc come to his own conclusions, which led to the Lithium.
Well, I could just type here all day, I sure wish I could tell you things will get back to normal, but probably the only way that will happen is if you take the bull by the horns just like you did with the resumes. You are your husband's staunchest advocate, his biggest fan. Use your power to help him--you can do it....
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