I Love my bipolar husband.
I do not Trust my bipolar husband- at least not most of the time.
When your spouse is manic depressive, trust is a very sensitive topic. Since my husband spends more time manic then he does depressed I truly do not know how much of an issue trust is with a depressed spouse. But I can say with 100% certainty that is a BIG issue when your spouse is manic.
With manic episodes comes lying, spending money, going places they shouldn't go and just in general doing things they shouldn't do. Your spouse can only sneak around so many times and lie to you so many times before you stop trusting them- bipolar or not.
A person who is bipolar may be perfectly nice and respectable when they are not having an episode. When they do have an episode, all that changes- especially for us spouses. You learn, at some point, not to trust anything they say during an episode. Sometimes, they may actually be telling the truth, but you still don't believe it. You may even want to believe it. You want so badly for some things to be true. But you just can't tell what is real. So, eventually- you stop trusting all together.
I write this today because this is where I am right now. I'm starting to wonder if I can ever really trust him again. I want to, I really want to. He, being bipolar and manic, has broken my trust so many times. After he is "back"- off his bipolar manic spiral- I give back my trust. Why? because part of me still wants to believe that this will be the last time. It's naive, I know. I think we all want our spouses to be normal. We all hope this manic or depressive episode will be the last. And, sometimes, I think we believe that until it happens again. It always happens again. It will never end. There will always be ANOTHER bipolar episode. That is the nature of this disease. It just won't stop.
So how do we give back our trust to someone who has broken it so many times? I don't know if I know the answer to this yet. I give my trust only to have it ripped away with the next bipolar episode.
It seems like a catch-22. In reality, we can't go through life not trusting our spouse. But when your spouse is bipolar, we can't trust them all the time. So how do you decide when to trust and when not to trust?
When my husband is 100% normal, I know I can trust him 100%. So the problem is- not just trust- but knowing when he is 100% normal to be able to trust him. This can be tricky.
Before they are completely gone- a bipolar person can put on a real good show- especially if they are smart. Mr Bipolar is very smart. He knows just what to say. He is smart enough to act like he is normal- at least in front of me. Now, this act of his only last a short while. Because he is bipolar, he can't keep it up very long. The thing is, he doesn't have to keep it up long. All he has to do is get me to believe that he is ok and I let my guard down. When my guard goes down, my heart usually ends up broken- again.
It's a very fine line- knowing when to and when not to trust someone who is bipolar. Because you love them, you really do want to believe they are ok.
I have had to learn to trust my gut. No matter how much of a good show Mr Bipolar puts on, usually if he is not well, I can "feel" it. Whats hard though, is not backing down.
Here is how it plays out.
Mr Bipolar is not 100% well- but he's not bad enough to where he is out doing anything terrible either. He is at that point where he is trying to hide it. I don't really know what he is feeling because he doesn't tell me. But I know he is not ok because he is doing small things that are out of character for him. Now he wants to do something. It can be anything. This "something" for normal people would be no big deal. I wish it were no big deal for us. But, because he is bipolar it is a big deal and him going off alone can lead to bad things. I say he's acting strange. He disagrees and tells me I'm over reacting. He tells me I don't trust him. And on and on and on. He is right, I don't trust him and I may be over reacting- if he were normal. But, my gut tells me something is wrong and I have to stand by it. He gets upset. He tries to rationally tell me why whatever it is he is wanting to do should be ok. He even makes sense and sometimes he has me feeling sorry for treating him badly! I almost give in. But I don't. Because my gut is telling me he is not ok. He'll get even madder. But I don't care. I have to try and make sure things stay half normal in my house- for my kids' sake.
I have learned from personal experience, if I can keep my husband at home during a bipolar episode- it won't be as bad as it could be. It won't make him get well, but it will keep him out of trouble. Of course, by keeping him at home I have to put up with all the side effects of him being bipolar- the anger, hate, frustration, ect... But it is better than having to worry about where he is or what he is doing.
Because I don't trust him- I control as much as I can, including our money. In the story above, he can't go do whatever he wants without going through me first because he has no money. When he is normal, this is really not an issue. When he is manic- it makes him angry. But, it's what I have to do,
I put up with his episodes at home, in part to keep him safe. I don't trust him with money, I don't believe what he says and I don't trust him to go places without me (when he is sick).
Like I said, I think there is a really fine line between knowing when to trust and when not to trust someone who is bipolar. You have to live and learn. I think I have learned alot. I don't trust him much at all anymore. It's actually rather sad. I now find myself having trouble trusting even when I know he is ok. I think because now, after 14 years, I do know it will happen again. No matter ow much I don't want it to- it will. The next bipolar manic episode is just right around the corner. So I'm always on guard.
Trusting has become very hard. I don't think, even when he is normal, that my bipolar husband really understands how hard this is. I know, I wish it were easier.
Trust is very important in a relationship. In a relationship with a bipolar spouse- It can truly be almost impossible.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
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Monday, February 23, 2009
Love Your Bipolar Spouse, Hate the Disease
Easy? Not always.
It's not his fault he is bipolar. Yes, I know. I have heard this so many times. I've even said it a million times. It's true, I know it's true. Sometimes, like when your bipolar spouse is blaming you for everything wrong in their life, it's hard to remember.
My close friends and our family all know that my husband is Bipolar. They didn't know for a long time, but now- they are my allies in this fight against bipolar disorder. I have to have someone to talk to about all this. And I hope you do too. These people understand that because he is bipolar, everything my husband does is not his fault and he does not mean everything he says when he is having an episode. But, I have to say- these same people- they think I'm nuts. They know things aren't his fault because I tell them it's not his fault. I believe this is true. Understand- things not being his fault because he is bipolar is not the same as him being responsible even though he is bipolar. It's not his fault- but ultimately, he IS still responsible.
Anyway- back on subject, our friends and family think I'm crazy because I'm always saying- It's not his fault. Ya know- sometimes I think they may be right. Am I to forgiving? I think it's a fine line and we have to be careful.
My husband is bipolar- but I choose to stay here. No one made me.
I stay because I love my Husband- even if he is a manic depressive bipolar sufferer. I still love him, in fact I adore him. I am madly in love with him. I couldn't live without him.
But- this bipolar disorder- it's still his disease. It is part of him. I love him. I hate this disease
It's not his fault he is bipolar. Yes, I know. I have heard this so many times. I've even said it a million times. It's true, I know it's true. Sometimes, like when your bipolar spouse is blaming you for everything wrong in their life, it's hard to remember.
My close friends and our family all know that my husband is Bipolar. They didn't know for a long time, but now- they are my allies in this fight against bipolar disorder. I have to have someone to talk to about all this. And I hope you do too. These people understand that because he is bipolar, everything my husband does is not his fault and he does not mean everything he says when he is having an episode. But, I have to say- these same people- they think I'm nuts. They know things aren't his fault because I tell them it's not his fault. I believe this is true. Understand- things not being his fault because he is bipolar is not the same as him being responsible even though he is bipolar. It's not his fault- but ultimately, he IS still responsible.
Anyway- back on subject, our friends and family think I'm crazy because I'm always saying- It's not his fault. Ya know- sometimes I think they may be right. Am I to forgiving? I think it's a fine line and we have to be careful.
My husband is bipolar- but I choose to stay here. No one made me.
I stay because I love my Husband- even if he is a manic depressive bipolar sufferer. I still love him, in fact I adore him. I am madly in love with him. I couldn't live without him.
But- this bipolar disorder- it's still his disease. It is part of him. I love him. I hate this disease
Can you help your Bipolar Spouse overcome an Episode?
Is it possible? In general, I think the answer is no. I find- at least for my bipolar husband, this is his disease and he has to overcome his episodes on his own. Usually, the problem is that he doesn't think there is anything wrong so he doesn't think he needs any help. That's the biggest problem with bipolar disorder- denial.
But I do think there are things we, the loved ones, can do to push them in the right direction. Believe me, I have tried everything to get my husband to come out of a manic or depressive episode. I've screamed, yelled and fought with him. I've tried ignoring the fact that he is not being normal. And I've tried being super nice- showing him lots of extra love to get him back. None of these things work. As a matter of fact, most of them make his episodes worse.
Fighting with him and trying to reason with him just makes him angrier. Ignoring it does nothing but make him really think things are ok. And showing him extra love and being extra nice really makes him really think he is on to something.
The only things I've found that even mildly seem to help with his bipolar episodes is to be firm and consistent.
Years ago, after a really bad manic episode, I laid down my ground rules.
1. During a bipolar episode, I will not pretend like everything is ok.
2. I will not lie for him or try to "cover up" things in front of others.
3. I will- no matter how he reacts- call him out on what he is doing that is wrong
4. We will, or at least I will to him, talk about what is going on. This one is tricky. Bipolar people don't think they are doing anything wrong so they don't think there is anything to talk about.
So these are my basic rules when dealing with his bipolar episodes. Although, sometimes even these don't really help me.
Still- I am firm in what I believe and I am persistent.
What am I persistent about? Getting him to the DR or to call the Dr.
Luckily, Mr bipolar's doc only gives him a months supply of meds at a time so he has to go each month. But when things get bad- I sometimes can't wait for the next appointment. I need him to call and do something right then.
To get him to call, basically- I have to bother him. I tell him over and over again that something is wrong and he needs to call the Dr. I stay firm in what I am saying - No matter how he tries to spin it. And when he is in the middle of a bipolar episode, he will try to spin it. He will spin it to sound like everything is my fault. Sometimes, I start to think I'm the one who is bipolar!
Anyway- Stay Firm! And be persistent! I just keep on with my something is wrong spill. I don't waiver.
So what happens? I think he gets tired of hearing me say it over and over. Eventually, he calls the doc just to get me to shut up. And yes- he has told me as much. But I don't care. Whatever works right?
So that's how I "help" Mr Bipolar out of his episode. See, I'm not actually helping to bring him back to normal. I'm "pushing" him until he calls the Dr.
He calls the doc- doc changes the meds (usually increases)- and before long things are ok again, at least for a little while.
Now, this pushing- it can take a while. Mr Bipolar has gone to the doc during an episode and not said anything was wrong. I really should go to the doc with him all the time, but it's not always possible. Anyway, visits to the doc with a bipolar spouse- that's a whole different subject for a different post.
For now- Be Firm and Be persistent. Push in the right direction. But remember- we can't fix their bipolar episodes. We can't cure this bipolar disease. And, we can't stop the next bipolar episode from happening. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Love your bipolar spouse- hate the disease.
But I do think there are things we, the loved ones, can do to push them in the right direction. Believe me, I have tried everything to get my husband to come out of a manic or depressive episode. I've screamed, yelled and fought with him. I've tried ignoring the fact that he is not being normal. And I've tried being super nice- showing him lots of extra love to get him back. None of these things work. As a matter of fact, most of them make his episodes worse.
Fighting with him and trying to reason with him just makes him angrier. Ignoring it does nothing but make him really think things are ok. And showing him extra love and being extra nice really makes him really think he is on to something.
The only things I've found that even mildly seem to help with his bipolar episodes is to be firm and consistent.
Years ago, after a really bad manic episode, I laid down my ground rules.
1. During a bipolar episode, I will not pretend like everything is ok.
2. I will not lie for him or try to "cover up" things in front of others.
3. I will- no matter how he reacts- call him out on what he is doing that is wrong
4. We will, or at least I will to him, talk about what is going on. This one is tricky. Bipolar people don't think they are doing anything wrong so they don't think there is anything to talk about.
So these are my basic rules when dealing with his bipolar episodes. Although, sometimes even these don't really help me.
Still- I am firm in what I believe and I am persistent.
What am I persistent about? Getting him to the DR or to call the Dr.
Luckily, Mr bipolar's doc only gives him a months supply of meds at a time so he has to go each month. But when things get bad- I sometimes can't wait for the next appointment. I need him to call and do something right then.
To get him to call, basically- I have to bother him. I tell him over and over again that something is wrong and he needs to call the Dr. I stay firm in what I am saying - No matter how he tries to spin it. And when he is in the middle of a bipolar episode, he will try to spin it. He will spin it to sound like everything is my fault. Sometimes, I start to think I'm the one who is bipolar!
Anyway- Stay Firm! And be persistent! I just keep on with my something is wrong spill. I don't waiver.
So what happens? I think he gets tired of hearing me say it over and over. Eventually, he calls the doc just to get me to shut up. And yes- he has told me as much. But I don't care. Whatever works right?
So that's how I "help" Mr Bipolar out of his episode. See, I'm not actually helping to bring him back to normal. I'm "pushing" him until he calls the Dr.
He calls the doc- doc changes the meds (usually increases)- and before long things are ok again, at least for a little while.
Now, this pushing- it can take a while. Mr Bipolar has gone to the doc during an episode and not said anything was wrong. I really should go to the doc with him all the time, but it's not always possible. Anyway, visits to the doc with a bipolar spouse- that's a whole different subject for a different post.
For now- Be Firm and Be persistent. Push in the right direction. But remember- we can't fix their bipolar episodes. We can't cure this bipolar disease. And, we can't stop the next bipolar episode from happening. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Love your bipolar spouse- hate the disease.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Bipolar Spouse and the Kids Involved
A bipolar husband sometimes equals a bipolar dad.
Living with my bipolar husband is not easy- not for me. It is even worse for our daughter, at least I think so.
The anger, hate and frustration my husband feels during his episodes is all directed towards me, not our children. So my daughter doesn't have to deal with that, but when he is "off" she does not have her daddy.
I've said before, when he is well he is a wonderful father. But when he is having an episode, he just can't be counted on.
I think it's worse on the kids involved because they don't know what is going on. My daughter doesn't understand why her father is the way he is. I have explained it to her as best I can, but I know she doesn't really get it.
My daughter needs her daddy. Sometimes, his bipolar disorder keeps him from being a good dad.
It's important that when he is well he makes up for some of what he missed.
Living with my bipolar husband is not easy- not for me. It is even worse for our daughter, at least I think so.
The anger, hate and frustration my husband feels during his episodes is all directed towards me, not our children. So my daughter doesn't have to deal with that, but when he is "off" she does not have her daddy.
I've said before, when he is well he is a wonderful father. But when he is having an episode, he just can't be counted on.
I think it's worse on the kids involved because they don't know what is going on. My daughter doesn't understand why her father is the way he is. I have explained it to her as best I can, but I know she doesn't really get it.
My daughter needs her daddy. Sometimes, his bipolar disorder keeps him from being a good dad.
It's important that when he is well he makes up for some of what he missed.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
What triggers a Bipolar Episode
Just like symptoms, triggers are unique to each bipolar person.
My Husband's Biggest trigger is stress.
It's unfortunate. Life is stressful- for everybody. He can't handle the stress so he goes manic. Usually the episodes start slowly and build to a really bad point. But sometimes it happens really fast. He'll go completely- really bad manic- really fast.
The fact that stress is his main trigger is what worries me greatly and makes me worry so much about the future. There is stress everywhere. At home and at work. There will always stress, no matter what we do. But Mr Bipolar can't handle it. Of course the worse the stress then the worse the episode is.
More stress = faster start to an episode and it last longer.
I can't take all the stress out of our lives.
I really am worried that he won't able to work in 10 years. I try to make things as unstressful as possible at home. But I can't control his situation at work.
Because I have 2 kids to to take care of, I have to plan for the future- just in case.
I love my husband, but I hate his bipolar disorder.
My Husband's Biggest trigger is stress.
It's unfortunate. Life is stressful- for everybody. He can't handle the stress so he goes manic. Usually the episodes start slowly and build to a really bad point. But sometimes it happens really fast. He'll go completely- really bad manic- really fast.
The fact that stress is his main trigger is what worries me greatly and makes me worry so much about the future. There is stress everywhere. At home and at work. There will always stress, no matter what we do. But Mr Bipolar can't handle it. Of course the worse the stress then the worse the episode is.
More stress = faster start to an episode and it last longer.
I can't take all the stress out of our lives.
I really am worried that he won't able to work in 10 years. I try to make things as unstressful as possible at home. But I can't control his situation at work.
Because I have 2 kids to to take care of, I have to plan for the future- just in case.
I love my husband, but I hate his bipolar disorder.
Symptoms of a Bipolar Episode
Each bipolar patients symptoms will be different. I can only write about my experience with my bipolar husband. I think there are some general symptoms that are associated with manic depressive disorder and others that are unique to the patient.
I find some of my husband's symptoms are hard to notice in the beginning. I eventually see them, but no one else ever does. Only those of us closest to someone who is bipolar would notice them. The smallest change in behavior should send up a red flag. I think these early symptoms are important because- in my husbands case- if we catch it early enough, we may be able to stop an episode before it really gets started. I know it sounds paranoid to analyze every little thing, but I have learned through experience that nothing is to small to be symptom. You just have to watch and pay attention. Sometimes it's not until your in the middle of an episode that you can look back and say "ok I noticed ___ but didn't think anything of it." Next time, you'll remember.
Trying to learn and be able to recognize those early symptoms is a process and it's never ending. On top all that- new symptoms, new signs that something may be wrong pop up frequently. You just may not know that they mean something until your reflecting on the situation.
Early Symptoms I've learned to recognize
Remember, each bipolar person is different in some ways. These hold true to my husband.
Some of these are unique to him and others, from the reading I have done; are more common to bipolar disorder in general. I thought this list may help some of you who are new to dealing with this.
I find some of my husband's symptoms are hard to notice in the beginning. I eventually see them, but no one else ever does. Only those of us closest to someone who is bipolar would notice them. The smallest change in behavior should send up a red flag. I think these early symptoms are important because- in my husbands case- if we catch it early enough, we may be able to stop an episode before it really gets started. I know it sounds paranoid to analyze every little thing, but I have learned through experience that nothing is to small to be symptom. You just have to watch and pay attention. Sometimes it's not until your in the middle of an episode that you can look back and say "ok I noticed ___ but didn't think anything of it." Next time, you'll remember.
Trying to learn and be able to recognize those early symptoms is a process and it's never ending. On top all that- new symptoms, new signs that something may be wrong pop up frequently. You just may not know that they mean something until your reflecting on the situation.
Early Symptoms I've learned to recognize
Remember, each bipolar person is different in some ways. These hold true to my husband.
Some of these are unique to him and others, from the reading I have done; are more common to bipolar disorder in general. I thought this list may help some of you who are new to dealing with this.
- stops caring about personal hygiene
- seems very distant
- talks to much or to little
- doesn't sleep well
- eats more than normal or stops eating
- talks alot about things he wants (not needs)
- lies- about anything and everything, even unimportant stuff
- finds a reason to justify everything
- hides stuff- anything even if it doesn't matter
As well as these, doing or saying anything completely out of character should be a big red flag. For example, my husband drives faster when he has a manic episode. His speeding starts very early on and is one of these first symptoms I can notice.
Remember, each bipolar person has thier own unique symptoms- you have to learn to see them!
Bipolar Disorder and Marriage
The strain bipolar disorder has on a marriage can be overwhelming. When my husband is not well our entire lives are turned upside down. My normally loving, helpful husband becomes some what useless and very mean. I stated in an earlier post that the strain is emotional and physical. This is absolutely true. I'll discuss a little bit of both here.
Emotional stress of Bipolar disorder on a marriage
You will hear most spouses of someone who is manic depressive (me included) talk more about the emotional stress of the illness on their marriage. The emotional struggles involved are by far harder to overcome than anything else in this type of marriage, weather the patient is manic or depressed. My husband is usually manic. With his manic episodes come anger, frustration and hate. So, along with all the crazy (and uncalled for) behavior issues, I gets lots of verbal "not so nice" attention from him. He gets angry at the drop of a hat, everything frustrates him and in general he dislikes most everything because when he is manic he thinks everyone, especially me, is out to get him. All the stuff I've read on bipolar disorder says the same thing- a person who is bipolar takes their anger and frustration out on those that they love the most. While that's nice to know, it does not make me feel any better when Mr Bipolar is angry at me for no reason.
I also know that we have to remember our bipolar loved ones say things to us during these episodes that they do not mean. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
The up and down of this disease, hearing things that aren't true but still hurt deeply, trying to remember 'It's not their fault' can wear you out. Sometimes when my husband has a bad manic episode that last a while, I actually start to believe some of the stuff he tells me. If you hear it over and over- it just starts to seem true.
Physical Stress of Bipolar Disorder on a Marriage
While it's not talked about as much and are much easier to overcome, there is physical stress and strain in a marriage with a bipolar spouse. At least this is my experience.
When my husband is manic and definitely the few times he has been in depressed mode, he is useless. Aside from going to work, he stops doing everything. So, not only is there no emotional support- he helps with nothing when he like this. In either state (manic or depressed) he sits in the bedroom all day and all night when he is home. The only difference is how he feels emotionally. While he is like this, I have to do double duty around here- taking over the things that he normally does- because he won't do them.
With 2 kids, homeschooling, volunteer work, housework, and caring the kids to and fro - even as a SAHM, I don't have a lot of free time. Now, because I don't work I don't expect my husband to come home from work and do much of anything. But when he stops doing what he does help with, it makes a difference.
When he's in a bipolar episode- the days are long and the nights short. Doing everything- every day is physically draining.
When you combine the physical stress with the mental stress- you become a time bomb. Having to deal with my husband and trying to keep out lives intact can feel like too much on some days. But you have to take it day by day. Having a bipolar spouse is not easy- and on the bad days it doesn't even feel worth it. But like I have said before- I love my bipolar husband, so I find a way to push through!
Emotional stress of Bipolar disorder on a marriage
You will hear most spouses of someone who is manic depressive (me included) talk more about the emotional stress of the illness on their marriage. The emotional struggles involved are by far harder to overcome than anything else in this type of marriage, weather the patient is manic or depressed. My husband is usually manic. With his manic episodes come anger, frustration and hate. So, along with all the crazy (and uncalled for) behavior issues, I gets lots of verbal "not so nice" attention from him. He gets angry at the drop of a hat, everything frustrates him and in general he dislikes most everything because when he is manic he thinks everyone, especially me, is out to get him. All the stuff I've read on bipolar disorder says the same thing- a person who is bipolar takes their anger and frustration out on those that they love the most. While that's nice to know, it does not make me feel any better when Mr Bipolar is angry at me for no reason.
I also know that we have to remember our bipolar loved ones say things to us during these episodes that they do not mean. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
The up and down of this disease, hearing things that aren't true but still hurt deeply, trying to remember 'It's not their fault' can wear you out. Sometimes when my husband has a bad manic episode that last a while, I actually start to believe some of the stuff he tells me. If you hear it over and over- it just starts to seem true.
Physical Stress of Bipolar Disorder on a Marriage
While it's not talked about as much and are much easier to overcome, there is physical stress and strain in a marriage with a bipolar spouse. At least this is my experience.
When my husband is manic and definitely the few times he has been in depressed mode, he is useless. Aside from going to work, he stops doing everything. So, not only is there no emotional support- he helps with nothing when he like this. In either state (manic or depressed) he sits in the bedroom all day and all night when he is home. The only difference is how he feels emotionally. While he is like this, I have to do double duty around here- taking over the things that he normally does- because he won't do them.
With 2 kids, homeschooling, volunteer work, housework, and caring the kids to and fro - even as a SAHM, I don't have a lot of free time. Now, because I don't work I don't expect my husband to come home from work and do much of anything. But when he stops doing what he does help with, it makes a difference.
When he's in a bipolar episode- the days are long and the nights short. Doing everything- every day is physically draining.
When you combine the physical stress with the mental stress- you become a time bomb. Having to deal with my husband and trying to keep out lives intact can feel like too much on some days. But you have to take it day by day. Having a bipolar spouse is not easy- and on the bad days it doesn't even feel worth it. But like I have said before- I love my bipolar husband, so I find a way to push through!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Crazyness of Bipolar Episodes
Just like any other spouse of a manic depressive, I've had to deal with the crazy things that the manic side of bipolar disorder has caused my husband to do.
I've certainly dealt with the normal over spending, charging up credit cards, buying stuff we (or he) didn't need. Sometimes it does go a little over board- or even completely out of hand. I'm not gonna try and list everything he's ever done or bought. This post is just to highlight some of the more extreme incidents.
On a side note, after reading other peoples stories across the Internet, I think I am lucky to some extreme. Mr Bipolar has never been unfaithful, left his family or been violent. And while I am madly in love with him, there are some things that just can't be fixed.
OK Now for my list! These are in no particular order.
1. This would fall under over spending but because of the situation surrounding it I still consider it extreme. Our oldest daughter was 7 months old- and needed a crib. Mr Bipolar switched jobs and was out of work for about 2 months in between. We had to live off our credit cards. He started his new job but had to go out of town for 2 weeks for training. By this point we had $100 left on our credit card (the others were maxed out). The money was supposed to be used to buy the crib for our daughter but I was waiting until he got a check just in case there was an emergency and we needed that last bit of money. While he was out of town, he and all the guys he worked with went out to dinner and he decided to buy everyone drinks. Yep- he charged up the last $100 in drinks.
2. He once lost a $1000 in one week on video poker. This is when I opened a separate checking account.
3. He ordered a $30000 truck off the Internet and didn't tell me. He needed a new truck but we couldn't afford it, but that didn't stop him.
4. He opened a new credit card, without me knowing, then charged $1500 to a strip club for access to the VIP room (good for 1 year).
5. So Mr Bipolar worked as a car salesman for a while. Sales got really bad because of the high gas prices. The last month he was there he made $250- that's it! Our family helped us get by. He found a new job, but before he left the dealership he bought a motorcycle.
6. Did I mention when he bought the motorcycle (in the same month he only made $250) I was pregnant. And, he doesn't know how to drive the motorcycle. Actually, he didn't even know how to crank it.
7. We owned a business for a while (a restaurant). Mr Bipolar jumped through hoops to get this business, which he should have been great at running since- aside for the brief stint at the car dealership- all he has ever done is manage restaurants. In his worst, longest lasting manic episode ever he just decided he didn't really want to work there. He was paying people to do that- so he hardly ever went. We eventually lost the business and had to file bankrupt.
8. He flipped over his truck (supposedly a tire blew out) but he had been drinking. He crawled out and walked up to the nearest gas station and bought a beer- then walked back to the wrecked truck. Why? He said so the cop couldn't accuse him of drinking and driving.
This is just a small list. I suppose I could go on and on.
Anyone else want to share what crazy things your bipolar spouse has done while manic (or depressed).
I've certainly dealt with the normal over spending, charging up credit cards, buying stuff we (or he) didn't need. Sometimes it does go a little over board- or even completely out of hand. I'm not gonna try and list everything he's ever done or bought. This post is just to highlight some of the more extreme incidents.
On a side note, after reading other peoples stories across the Internet, I think I am lucky to some extreme. Mr Bipolar has never been unfaithful, left his family or been violent. And while I am madly in love with him, there are some things that just can't be fixed.
OK Now for my list! These are in no particular order.
1. This would fall under over spending but because of the situation surrounding it I still consider it extreme. Our oldest daughter was 7 months old- and needed a crib. Mr Bipolar switched jobs and was out of work for about 2 months in between. We had to live off our credit cards. He started his new job but had to go out of town for 2 weeks for training. By this point we had $100 left on our credit card (the others were maxed out). The money was supposed to be used to buy the crib for our daughter but I was waiting until he got a check just in case there was an emergency and we needed that last bit of money. While he was out of town, he and all the guys he worked with went out to dinner and he decided to buy everyone drinks. Yep- he charged up the last $100 in drinks.
2. He once lost a $1000 in one week on video poker. This is when I opened a separate checking account.
3. He ordered a $30000 truck off the Internet and didn't tell me. He needed a new truck but we couldn't afford it, but that didn't stop him.
4. He opened a new credit card, without me knowing, then charged $1500 to a strip club for access to the VIP room (good for 1 year).
5. So Mr Bipolar worked as a car salesman for a while. Sales got really bad because of the high gas prices. The last month he was there he made $250- that's it! Our family helped us get by. He found a new job, but before he left the dealership he bought a motorcycle.
6. Did I mention when he bought the motorcycle (in the same month he only made $250) I was pregnant. And, he doesn't know how to drive the motorcycle. Actually, he didn't even know how to crank it.
7. We owned a business for a while (a restaurant). Mr Bipolar jumped through hoops to get this business, which he should have been great at running since- aside for the brief stint at the car dealership- all he has ever done is manage restaurants. In his worst, longest lasting manic episode ever he just decided he didn't really want to work there. He was paying people to do that- so he hardly ever went. We eventually lost the business and had to file bankrupt.
8. He flipped over his truck (supposedly a tire blew out) but he had been drinking. He crawled out and walked up to the nearest gas station and bought a beer- then walked back to the wrecked truck. Why? He said so the cop couldn't accuse him of drinking and driving.
This is just a small list. I suppose I could go on and on.
Anyone else want to share what crazy things your bipolar spouse has done while manic (or depressed).
My Bipolar Husband
As the title suggest, my husband is bipolar- also known as Manic depressive. Living with his disease is certainly not easy. I love my husband very much despite him being sick. And yes, that's what I call it- an illness, a sickness, a disease- I think all of these terms sum it up well. He is Bipolar, but - like any other disease or illness- it is not his fault.
My husband was "officially" diagnosed about 3 years ago. But, I can now look back over or entire relationship and see the cycles. For many years I didn't know what was wrong. Honestly, I just thought he hated me. At least when he wasn't well, that's how it felt. When he was normal things were ok. It was all very confusing.
There did come a point when I started to figure out what was wrong. Although I'm not a Dr., a little web surfing and reading lead me to believe he was bipolar. When he finally went to the Dr and was officially diagnosed, it was like a giant weight was lifted off me. And for the first time in a long time I truly believed he didn't hate me.
When he is normal, Mr Bipolar is a wonderful husband, father and provider. But when he is "off," life is completely different. I have seen it described as a rollar-coaster ride that you can't get off of- and I agree completely. The ups and downs can be draining (to say the least) both mentally and physically.
My husband was "officially" diagnosed about 3 years ago. But, I can now look back over or entire relationship and see the cycles. For many years I didn't know what was wrong. Honestly, I just thought he hated me. At least when he wasn't well, that's how it felt. When he was normal things were ok. It was all very confusing.
There did come a point when I started to figure out what was wrong. Although I'm not a Dr., a little web surfing and reading lead me to believe he was bipolar. When he finally went to the Dr and was officially diagnosed, it was like a giant weight was lifted off me. And for the first time in a long time I truly believed he didn't hate me.
When he is normal, Mr Bipolar is a wonderful husband, father and provider. But when he is "off," life is completely different. I have seen it described as a rollar-coaster ride that you can't get off of- and I agree completely. The ups and downs can be draining (to say the least) both mentally and physically.
The Manic depressive spectrum is a big one. It can't be (I wish it was) as simple as depressed-normal-manic. I describe it as a little off, way off, stepped over the edge so on and so on. I think my husband stays mostly manic. And I say I think because after lot of reading I learned that the symptoms of mania and depression, especially in men, are very similar. When he is "off" I have to pay attention to everything to figure out which way he is going. At least with my husband, the difference is so little and the symptoms are so much alike it is sometimes hard to tell right away.
I have read so much out bipolar disorder since my husband was diagnosed. One thing I learned is that is gets worse as the patient gets older. This scares me. I'm not scared for me- but for my husband. When he is normal I guess I don't think about it much. But the pattern seems to be holding true for him. His episodes seems to be coming more often and lasting longer. I am hoping and praying that I am wrong. I think, once an episode starts, other factors (triggers) can keep him not normal for longer than if those factors weren't present. I hope I'm right about this one and we can someday find a way to keep his life as trigger-free as possible. If not, I am really beginning to fear what our life will be like in 10 years. My husband is not violent, so that is not my concern. I am worried he won't be able to work. That he truly won't be able to function like a normal person. This would devastate him.
To sum it up, this is my husband: Infected with Bipolar disorder, stays mostly manic. But I am madly in love with him- disease and all.
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